So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Dignity is for republicans.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
