I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
