foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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