Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
