Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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