she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
