Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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