Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
