I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize