great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
