i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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