I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Randomize
