My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
The struggles of a small town man whore
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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