i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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