The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
