my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize