In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
