Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She has the best kind of daddy issues
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
