yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
