Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
