Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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