he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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