I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
