I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Randomize
