you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
