I seem to have left my pride at pride
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
