i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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