Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
