hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize