the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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