I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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