He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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