your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
