party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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