SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
