cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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