The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
