made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
