Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
