her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
