he puts the penis in happiness.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
