I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize