Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
