I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
