There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
