I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
