I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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