I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
