Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
