so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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