i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
