is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
