Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
