His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I wear drunk well.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
