bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
