I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
