He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
