i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
