Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
