haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
