another moral hangover. fuck.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
