I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
