Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
