Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(315): View more from New York

you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.

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(518): View more from New York

I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.

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(940): View more from Texas

I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.

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(831): View more from California

She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs

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(217): View more from Illinois

While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.

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(330): View more from Ohio

he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..

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(906): View more from Michigan

Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.

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(727): View more from Florida

I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....

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