Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
