you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
