Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
