Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
