So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize