He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
