Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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