Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize