my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
