just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
