soooo we both peed the bed last night...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
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