my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Please don't give away my fajitas
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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