How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
