cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
