I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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