how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
