I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
