the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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