Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize