Rock
Scissors
Fuck
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
