I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
