he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
