I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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