No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
