explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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