I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize