awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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