I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
