I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
