its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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