careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
