went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
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