Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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