This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i think i scared a bird with my dick
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Randomize
