In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
