does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Randomize
