I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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