make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
