just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
