First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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