You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
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