You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
