i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
