I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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