Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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