I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize