i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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